Keep Albany Boring Guide To Partying

It’s unreal that SUNY Albany’s “party school” reputation still is going strong, even more so recently with the riots, but there’s a sizeable amount of people that I know that simply can’t hang. I have fun all the time, regardless of anything. I walked home on New Years from a party near the Port of Albany, and I had fun doing it.

So here it is, the Keep Albany Boring guide to partying. Written by someone who has been drinking for barely a year. Before I even drank, I knew how to party. The first time I got drunk was off of a blue-raspberry Four Loko. Get on my level.

Fuck your friends. Trust me. They don’t give a shit about you, and you shouldn’t give a shit about that one dude that now hangs out that you don’t even really know anything about. The primary goal here is to have fun. Not to make sure everyone’s needs are coddled. If my goal was to always cater to assholes I’d have never quit my job at Crossgates. It’s about you, having fun. If you have friends with the same mindset, you can roll with a group of them; remember you didn’t sign a binding contract that you have to stay by their sides at all moments of every night. If where you’re at sucks, and something might be more fun, go there. You’re mentally capable of eating when you’re hungry, correct?

Do things. Is some club dropping a grand from the ceiling in the most fucked up promotion ever? Is there a burlesque show going on that you know of? Go do things. You will get comfortable with this level of awkward and learn to use it to your advantage. I went to a young professionals networking event and got drunk enough to not close my tab before leaving. You’re dooming yourself to a boring, repetitive schedule of having fun, which is actually fun. Get out of your comfort zone, get off Facebook, and go do shit. Bands have massive fun touring because it puts them in situations they wouldn’t normally find themselves in. You can do this in your own city. Or be a loser, your call.

That’s it. Using those two steps to success you will be in different places, causing ruckus and getting into levels of shenanigans unknown. Roll deep with a good group of your dudes and you will eventually “get it” and understand that you were being the college town version of a bridge troll, except deep in a shitty cave of boringness littered with mediocrity.

You’ve got all day to learn the ropes. Come put them into practice tonight at Fuze Box, 10pm.

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