The episode starts out with the crew out drinking at a bar (surprise). However Ron is doing double duty since Sam is crazy so he’s drinking until she isn’t, or something. Maybe he’s getting ready for creep mode. Regardless, he’s shredding other peoples shots.
Back at the house, Snooki promptly falls asleep on the wood floor in the dog pen. Situation heads up to his room with his grenade from that night, gives her a shirt that says “situation” on it and when she tells him it’s purple, he tells her it’s “ok”. Pause. Sam makes drunk food, try feeding it to Ron and he promptly refuses it in the same manner a two-year-old would, which rules. Ronnie starts spinning and pukes into a bag, and all over his arm, and on Sam’s bed. All with Mike and the random girl in the room. Pure class.
Ronnie wakes up and shits blood. Actually. Doctor give him a nice finger in the bhole, which he appropriately preps with some lubricant. Diagnosis: too much drinking. Apparently drinking until you shit blood, that’s possible!
Snooki on a date rattles off “everyone google it, the ocean is salty from the whale sperm”. (It’s false if you failed Earth Science). The dude who Snooks hung out with blew up his own spot when he, like an idiot, told her he was previously engaged. He then, like a weirdo calls the house over and over to try and make amends with her. Pauly pretends to be an answering machine and dude actually tries to leave a message! Horrible.
The girls then go out to the sex shop, which might as well be the SUNY Albany halloween costume repository. Snooki, who is drinking beer out of a plastic cup in the car, is shit hammered and ends up wearing her “stripper pretending to be a baseball player” costume out of the store, and all through dinner too. Ronnie makes a lot of misogynistic comments throughout cooking.
Snooki goes to work, and tells Danny, quite possibly the only reasonable human ever featured on this show, “relax bro, it’s a tshirt shop” when he tries to get her to work, while at work.
Fast forward to when it’s time to go out to da club. There’s a lot of dudes cleaning their shoes and girls spraying faces with hairspray. Snooks brings back a dude who she wants to get it in with, but it’s shark week for her and nothing happens. Waste of the smash room. Dena’s dude calls her light, and says she should gain weight. The next day Snooks convinces her dude to impress her with his pole dancing skills and he rips it out of the floor like the gorilla juicehead he is. It wasn’t secured at all.
There was a keyboard cat and Snooki pistascio commercial. What?
Back out to the club. Sam is wasting everyone’s time straightening her already straight hair. Everyone agrees with Mike that the “only thing that needs to be straightened out is her brain.”
Regarding her dancing at da club, Dena delivers the quote of the episode: “face down, ass up, that’s the way I like to have a good time”. Pauly then for some reason that I think is good, entertains his stalker who just threw a drink at him during their last encounter. Also, it is sadly discovered that hot Israeli Danielle has an unfavorable tooth-to-gum ratio. She’s is back at the house for some reason, and is taking jokes from everyone like “what kind of bird brings the baby” and “Jack climbed up the bean what” (admittedly well) and leaves eventually after just hanging out. Can’t wait to see what can of worms that opens. Pauly knows how to stay entertained and this is clearly a good decision.
The preview into next episode shows Sam announcing that she “needs a hot guy right now” when she’s at da club and then 5′ 7″ Ronnie roid-raging and smashing all her shit in their room.
6 more days.