Now, most of you should realize that you should never keep a job you hate. But there seem to be reasons in life that suggest otherwise. Maybe itâ€™s that you canâ€™t get another job, or that youâ€™ve been trying for several months, and nothing has sprung up – or maybe youâ€™re finally realizing that your Major in college was really not such a good idea and that you really should just go back to grad school (and more specifically Law, or Medical school!). Or just that this country sucks and you wonâ€™t get another good job for a while -so youâ€™re stuck. Whatever the reason is, there are plenty of ways, and I do mean plenty, to keep yourself happy at that job that you absolutely loathe.
Let us get into the mess a little and then Iâ€™ll backtrack a bit. I work in shoe retail – let that be the premise. Yesterday, I called in to work. I donâ€™t often actually do this, mostly because my job is complete bullshit and I donâ€™t really work hard to help the people I should be helping. I also donâ€™t really do any of the job duties, in fact, after a certain amount of time, seniority actually equals incompetence. If your boss says not to do something just once, let that mean that you should never do it again. About a year ago my boss said to me just once, â€œI donâ€™t know whatâ€™s going on with the deposit company, but just let me call in the deposits for the rest of the week and Iâ€™ll figure it out.â€ I havenâ€™t called in a deposit since. If she inquires, Iâ€™ll make something up like, â€œYeah, I can never get them to actually answer a call.â€ or literally anything. Pretty much just make it up and youâ€™re golden. It saves about six minutes every shift, which is more than worth it.
The other thing I do is blame the technology: Now, I seem to think Iâ€™m exceptionally good at this, because itâ€™s known (by them) Iâ€™m a Mac user living in the world of Windows NT and 2000 or whatever the fuck my shitty job uses. So anything that happens, I donâ€™t know any of the proper methods to fix it… unfortunately, I am actually better than most of them at fixing the computer. I still use it to my advantage: I havenâ€™t actually accepted inventory in over a year, nor have I properly transferred anything to another store. But, I really should get back to the initial point. I called out of work yesterday. Not because I wanted to, but because I actually had to. I had to attend a concert, that was inconveniently rescheduled on the only day, yes, the only day, I work every week at this place. So I called out. The first thing you have to realize is that, the boss is doing you a favor always, and you should seem to be indebted to them completely and forever, even though you couldnâ€™t give a shit. And also, itâ€™s always someone elseâ€™s fault.
I call in, ask for the manager, and say first, â€œDid *someoneâ€™s name* tell you I couldnâ€™t work today?â€ If the answer is no, which it will be, then you say, â€œ Oh, god really? I told him/her at least twice that I couldnâ€™t be in today!â€ Explain that youâ€™re sorry you canâ€™t come, and give a completely ridiculous explanation as to why you really canâ€™t come. Donâ€™t use deaths, youâ€™ll run out of grandparents so fast itâ€™s not funny – instead use scheduling issues. Yes, claim that your life, although dull and boring, is filled with other things that are more pertinent than the job. This does two things: It lets the boss know that the job is not your number one priority, and it allows them to also realize that itâ€™s not anything you actually care about. So if you seem to be a good employee, theyâ€™ll want to keep you even more! And, to be honest, the shittier job you do, the more theyâ€™ll want to keep you. Next time weâ€™ll talk about how to make the actual work fun (which is easier than you think).